Thursday, July 14, 2005

So long... so much!

A long time has passed!

Suddenly this realization dawned to me, when I saw a fresh batch of freshers joining the company! Real fresh faces, full of expectations, confusion, excitement, and above everything, zeal! Zeal, to prove their mettle, zeal to feel the financial freedom, and zeal to face the real world!

And suddenly I felt old! I had an unexplainable feeling, when these new faces looked upto me with appreciation and awe!! Like I achieved something great by being in this field for a year!! And then I could recollect, even I was in awe a year ago!!

Even I was excited and even I behaved like a zealot!

This realization brings me to think that the last one year has taught a lot! Above every other thing, it has brought experience for me!! A whole baggage of a variety of experience, professional or personal! It has brought me a realization of my actual quest in life! It has taught me to differentiate between enjoying something and to feel the passion within!

If not anything, I have at the least matured a lot! I do not trigger off erratically any more - I am no more I time bomb! May be a tiny harmless bubble! :)

I have learnt to survive, I have learnt to enjoy life! I have learnt to be optimistic again! I haven't stopped thinking about a few things, I haven't stopped caring for a few things, but I have learnt to handle myself in missing a few things!

And most importantly, I have learnt to enjoy my work! I have been able to fully concentrate - and I discovered, it was me, who was the culprit! A man is his own maker or destroyer! I had been blaming the circumstances for a bit too long! I had been cribbing a bit too much!

I now have learnt to be happy and contented with what all I have and make the most of it! And I still fully know the underlying difference between being content, and yet, craving for more by being ambitious! Perhaps, I am more ambitious now than any time in past!

And the results are showing - the apprecitation at my work place really satisfies me! Frankly speaking, I needed to boast a bit, as I miss the special pampering and the feeling of importance! So just for record's sake - I got rated as an outstanding employee - the highest recognition of an employee's effort and contribution at my work place!
And I am not the kind who would safely skip the internal details and highlight only the flashy part! Had this rating been done a few months back, I would myself have demanded an ordinary rating! I knew that I wasn't enjoying what I was doing, and I knew the reasons too!! But I have slogged a great deal since the realization, and now I can be proud and true to my soul for feeling this satisfaction.

I sometimes wonder if I am right in not being so money oriented! Though I got the highest hike from my company's standards, still it's just a penny when compared to other friends - but I don't give a damn! Personally I really am not concerned, but I need to, as I have my financial commitments to meet!

But somewhere deep down within, I know I would make up for all of this! After all, I don't have the shitty job like most of my other friends or acquaintances have - I don't regret my decision to quit the other offers and take this up!

I owe a lot to this company, as it made me feel really important! The assginments I handle here, and the kind of responsibilites I get are dearer to me, than the hike I got! And presently, I am in love with the world around me!

Is this is an omen indicating the awakening of the giant optimist within me?? I hope it is!


Srinivas said...

congrats dude! this calls for a treat!! :D

Keshav said...

The rating does!! But the salary hike nullifies it! :P

Srinivas said...

should i go into one of my "money vs values" talks?? :P

Keshav said...

Gawd..Spare me!!! Tell me where do you want the treat!


Srinivas said...

how abt some pizza hut?? :D

Keshav said...

Sure!! When and where!

Nitai said...

hey congrats Keshav...ab to bangalore aana hi padega, to take a treat from you, if not for anything else

Srinivas said...

wait, we can plan a blogger's meet along with this! what say??

Keshav said...

@Nitai - Thanks for the wishes, but @#$& you!!!
You have been telling about your Bangalore plan for over a couple of months now!! Come fast!!

@Srini - Me ready! Get others involved!

Apps said...

How mean keku, dint I ask u for the treat too .. tsk tsk ..being very partial not fair! ;P

Keshav said...

Apps - I know I can deal with you!

roses-in-a-beer-mug said...

I like the way you felt in this blog. That satisfying feeling when you know you've achieved something..cooool.. My appraisal is scary..the boss goes on abt all my hidden hoo...:)