Friday, April 15, 2005

Okay... it's been 3 full days now that I have had eaten anything! I accept I am mad and weird. But what can I do when my system refuses to take anything to eat and is satisfied with the mental diet I give it?

Have been sick for quite some time now. And now this adventure that I participated in is taking its toll on me, I must eat something or else I would collapse.

Things have not been as I wanted them to be. Have discovered a few shocking facts of life, and am trying frantically to adapt to changes.(Frantically huh! Such an ironical usage!! Anyhow!) The fact that I still haven't adapted after coming back from home surprises me, but destiny keeps throwing its miracles on me and I as usual am caught totally relaxed and underprepared to appreciate those.

Happened to hear a weird philosophy from an aquaintance today that when you desperately need a friend in need, not helping at all is the best help that friend can offer you. Weirdo! May be that philosophy was right from that fellow's perpective, but for me it's absolute rubbish! How can you simply walk away from a person you call friend and thus help him?

May be this philospher never came across something of that sort where you need a true friend, but I have and I generally keep coming to such situations. And that's when I know how unfortunate I am to not have so many friends. Not that I dont have friends, I have quite a handsome number of them whom I really adore and look back at in need.

Where have I come? Let's ponder over that weird philosophy! It's indeed a food for thought that my mind for a few days!

Why I am after this so badly? May be because somewhere in my mind I needed something of this sort to question my belief?

I was wondering if I should continue writing this blog? There are times when you don't want a set of your internal feelings to be made public and yet ironically you want them out. These are the feelings which generally would make the readers uncomfortable, some of those are almost fanatic which my mind also knows isn't practical! And yet you can't help writing about those, because you need them out of your mind. And most of the times it's just crap that I think of, which has no threads attached to it.

Why can such a passing comment effect me so much that I have to give so much thinking to it?

This is the weirdest and most unorganized blog I have written, but what to do? The thoughts are just wandering in my head and it has been really long that I have let those out!

Sigh!! It's so hard to digest certain facts the way they are and yet not complain about those.

It just came to my mind how we make friends! You share the company of a person you call him friend. When you put in your trust in a person, then you are friends with him. When you feel for someone from the bottom of your heart you call him friend. According to me, you always want the best for your friend almost selflessly.

Not everyone you talk to is friend. There are some you just enjoy talking to, some who just are there because the cirumstances bring you together, and yet there are some whom you really adore inspite of their shortcomings and faults. And I am proud that I have more than one I can place in such category. And I am really thankful to my college life that I could collect almost everyone of that elite gang from there, which brings me to think that over the years of my school days and days to follow those, I never was so caring about so many others who really cared for me.

Friends.. indeed friends! How helplessly I need them in my life and how shamelessly I deny that to myself. How delicate I am inside and how needed they are in my life that I just can't be angry with any of them for long, and yet conflicting ideologies make me loose them.

When will all of them understand this! I need all of them for always in any cirumstance.


Get this thought out of your head Keshav!

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